“I live for the day when this becomes a problem.”

I got into an online debate yesterday about rodeo. Smack my hand! I tell myself NOT to do this, because the people arguing for rodeo live on an entirely different planet to me, to put it nicely. Nothing I say will encourage them to change their minds. I know – hard to believe, isn’t it? Here I am, trying to explain to them the error of their ways, and they .won’t have a bar of it! So what if I’m a stranger on Facebook from another planet? They should just throw off all their years of indoctrination, and just listen to me, FFS!

Nek minnit – and I’m not sure how this happens, but it just does (it’s Facebook, after all) – someone threw in one of the all-time favourites: “what would happen to all the farm animals if we stopped eating them?” That one’s so old it’s got whiskers on it, but there’s always some youngling not long out of nappies (but not limited to) who thinks it’s a good one. What was my reply, you ask? Not what I would have liked to reply, because I was keeping it seemly and sticking to my self-imposed rule about being a grown-up. Which, I feel, sometimes tends to veer off-course towards puerile attempts to sound snottily superior. Happily, my game plan is always up for revision.

Anyway, par for the course, I thought of my best answer afterwards. Although, the answer I gave at the time wasn’t too shabby either, being this: “Do you plan to stop eating animals today? Does anyone you know plan to stop eating animals today? No? Then I’m guessing that we won’t be seeing a problem of farm animals running amok anytime soon. The likely scenario is that the eating of animals will be phased out.” In hindsight, of course, I wish I’d left out the last sentence, so that my answer had a bit more of a slam-dunk. The questioner responded with a laughing emoji, the little smartarse! To be fair, I have a high regard for smartarses – except when I’m on the receiving end. I’m not sure what she was laughing at. She might have just been deliberately trying to be annoying – or couldn’t think of a good response, so put in a laughing emoji just to be annoying. Either way, it was momentarily annoying. Yeah, she had a nano-second of a win there. But, I’m an old hand, and I know that one doesn’t often go into the Facebook cage-fighting arena, and come away un-annoyed, un-rattled, or un-done. I draw comfort from the fact, though, that I have probably landed my share of online cuts with the sharp edge of my tongue, as well.

What I would really liked to have answered to the question “what would happen to all the farm animals if we stopped eating them?” was: “I live for the day when this becomes a problem. Bring it on!” I’d be more than happy to help solve that one, if it ever arises, I’d say to the questioner. When that day comes, let me know and we’ll talk again.

Now, I just need another opportunity to slay someone with it, which knowing Murphy and his law, will be a while away. In the meantime, memo to self: remember, arguing with strangers on Facebook who live on a completely different plane to you is not the best use of your time (even if it’s a bit of fun, now and then). I know that this is a good memo to self, and it fits nicely with being a grown-up. Yet on the days when I feel the horns emerging from my head, what then? The blood of the keyboard warrior runs deep in my veins 😊

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